i am staring down the barrel of a gun. i pulled the trigger months ago and have been waiting patiently for the round to finally jiggle free.

with a smooth motion i decided to end my life as i knew it. by the grace of god my purpose was given new meaning. i have prayed daily since, never to ask for another thing (save for world peace, ha), but to thank whatever force brought me here. it is too late to undo.

the seemingly obvious solution to the problem is to dodge the bullet. instead i will close my eyes, wrap my lips around the hot steel and let my life continue flashing before me.

story of my life.

of course i would spend 20 minutes carefully packing my most prized, treasured and fragile belongings into a box, walk ever so slowly away from my old apartment for the final time, only to feel said box (having now been used three times) give way in my arms, showering my silly little trinkets of inifinite value onto the ground in an explosion of glass and rose petals.

the sky is falling.

the pale haze like a palpable wall of humid air and latent tensions stretching between sidewalks and a pavement colored sky, ticking even the crickets into believing time has stopped.

for the first time in years i experience days i've never seen before in this city. the weather, more often than not, can conjure for me the most detailed memories.

it was cloudy. i wore a scarf.