press my back
lower
lower
kiss my neck
softer
wetter
squeeze my ass
tighter
tighter
now work your hands
over
me
calloused fingers
here
and
there
rub so right
down
where?

a view inside a freezer.

my entire life i've wished i could go back in time. the older i get the more i wish i could relive even the worst of times without changing a thing, if only to remind myself what i am.

what i was.

it's getting harder and harder to say i know myself.

chemistry.

human nature allots a great deal of analogy to be found.

i am in a phase of sublimation, from a solid form into a mere memory or a sideways glance in an elevator.

i am what everyone wants. i have nothing i want. that which i do, i go to great lengths to dismiss as absurd.

i wish to water the grass beneath my feet but the cold winter provides light no longer. the nights grow longer. it is greener neither here nor there, if only because it becomes brown everywhere. the smell of the wind carries a hint of cologne from a man i barely remember. a boy i'll never forget.

briefly.

i taste dirt.

i see who i may have become in my dreams. i punch with all my being, i lash out. i never miss, but i never make my mark. i am powerless even in sleep, and in turn fantasy.

i find empathy inside when i look at a large, exotic bird. invariably, he has plucked a great deal of feathers from himself in protest. "you see?" he says, "i am no longer pretty. there is no longer a reason to keep me here. no one else shall want me now," he says. his cage is comfortable, he is well cared for. he has never seen what he wants the most, but hears and tastes it when he closes his eyes. he speaks merely because the only pleasure to be found is in pleasing those who come to look.

i find signs wherever i go. i become disillusioned when i don't want to follow them.

i am trite.

promises promises.

"you bring home you"
"in once piece or two?"
she said
bowing her head as if already dead.
"you shouldn't quit"
"but i already did"
she knew
gazing far out towards a tangerine blue.